You may be wondering why I titled this article “how to be instantly likable”. I mean, what does being likable have to do with innovation?? My readers are looking for mindset advice and how they can cultivate the right beliefs for maximum success. Who cares what other people think??
Well, let’s back up a minute because that’s a pretty bold statement. While I agree you should not let other people’s opinions of you phase you or hold you back from taking action, I do believe that being liked and having friends who genuinely have respect for you can be a tremendous asset. Likability presents you opportunities that you could never have created for yourself.
Being liked is the foundation for strong relationships and is what will allow you to thrive on a large scale, because no one can succeed alone. And if no one likes you, no one is going to help you.
Here are 2 tips for making long-term friends and becoming instantly likable:
1. Start Complimenting
Too many people today have forgotten the virtue of complimenting these days. I think it’s a serious problem. And I think the main reason for this is because we all take each other for granted too often. We all take our parents for granted. We all take our children for granted. We take our significant others for granted. We take our friends for granted. And we take the strangers whom we interact with everyday for granted.
People these days are craving the feeling of importance. Everyone wants to feel like they are the most important person in the world. The reason for this is because no one ever gets that feeling of importance. We are all competing to be the most important person in the room, that no one takes the time to make each other feel important. You see the issue here?? Someone has to break this trance and that someone needs to be YOU.
Take the time to make people feel important and give them a genuine compliment. This is especially important for those close to you, but you should be complimenting strangers whom you meet on the streets and in supermarkets as well. Everybody deserves to be noticed and nothing let’s people feel like they are noticed and appreciated more than a nice, warm compliment.
Start observing things about the people you spend time with. Did they do something different with their hair? Are they wearing new shirt? Are they acting in a particularly generous way? Do they keep bringing up a certain thing about themselves, so obvious that they want to have a conversation about it?
Take note of these things, and start using them complimentary bate. I like to say give at least one genuine compliment every time you spend some time with a particular person.
Don’t take all the little things that people do for granted. Take the time to stop worrying about yourself and stop worrying about making yourself feel important…and start allowing other people to feel important by noticing the good things about them. Observe it, express it, and they will love you. They will love you so much that they probably will be willing to return the favor and who knows when one of those favors leads to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Use complimenting as a some leverage for gaining genuine friends who in turn will help you achieve your goals.
2. Stop Criticizing
This goes hand-in-hand with complimenting, but I feel the need to state it anyways. Too many people take it upon themselves to save the world by pointing out all the little issues that their friends have. They criticize they heck out of everyone around them; mainly because it makes them feel better about themselves.
They feel superior when they are able to call someone else out for their flaws. They feel smarter and better. The problem is that they are also a lot more insecure. Insecure people love to criticize and call other people out for their flaws. And insecure people tend to have trouble keeping real friends.
The next time you see a flaw in someone else, especially something that they cannot change about themselves, do them and yourself a favor and shut your pothole. You giving them criticism will not do any good. Instead, find the things about them that are good and express your feelings. Look for the good in people and encourage them to strengthen that about themselves.
For example, let’s say you know someone who wants to be famous musician. They are excellent with a guitar, but have voice that could kill a thousand birds. You telling them that their voice is horrible and trying to give them suggestions on how to make it better is probably not going to do any good (unless you are voice coach). Unless they specific ask you for your opinion on how good their voice is, then you should avoid commenting on this.
Did you catch that??
I’m not suggesting you lie and tell them they sound like Justin Bieber when it’s clear they don not. Instead, I’m suggesting focusing on what they are good at: Guitar. Compliment their guitar skills and try to avoid criticizing them for wasting their time trying to be a singer. Shut your pothole. If you can’t change it, don’t call them out for it.
Now, I know that there is a big debate about constructive criticism going on. People like to justify their criticism and say that they are only trying to help by giving someone else constructive criticism. This is usually an excuse. However, I do understand that sometimes constructive criticism actually can be a good thing.
It’s important that if you genuinely feel you can help someone with something they suck at, that you first find something good about them that you can express. Focus most of your energy on encouraging them on their strengths first, and at the end you can say “However, I think you could work on this. Let me give you my opinion”. Again, handle this delacately, and only bring it up if you are specifically asked or you truly think you can help.